I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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