this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
