last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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