trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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