dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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