new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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