You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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