Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I puked a lego.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have aggressive nipples.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
