God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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