i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
