dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
