i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
