Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
