cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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