she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize