dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
