community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
