Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I need to stop coming to work sober
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
