She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
