I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
