I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
