It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
