i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
