Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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