allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
