i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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