Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
