i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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