That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
