I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
