I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
