What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
