My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
id be glad to
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
