I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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