Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
