my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
