broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
