Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
