Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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