i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
