I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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