hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
