thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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