I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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