I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
