There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
