i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
