do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
