Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
