Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize