found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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