so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
