she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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