One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
