Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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