Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
