We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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