votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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