I'm jealous of your bromance
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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