and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
