Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am full of burrito and curiosity
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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