you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
