Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
