if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize