im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
