I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
