Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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