I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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