The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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