I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
