New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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