ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i permit you to call me
Your dad touched me again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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