My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
