Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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