Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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