i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
