So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You pole danced in your parka.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
