Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
