remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
