worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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