Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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