ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
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