If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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