just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
