he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize