I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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