he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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