He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
