He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
