Only a mothe r could love this liver
there's paper in my vomit.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
