nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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