I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
