There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
