i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
