Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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