i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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