we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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