there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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