So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
