do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
