There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
