She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
