Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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