He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
