why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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