You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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