he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
