Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Alive.
So much puke
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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