Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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