i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
