Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
