Someone shit on the floor
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
