I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
