Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
