im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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