what day is it and did you see me today?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize