Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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