Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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