After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
