That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize