I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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