You're so nebulous sometimes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
