Apparently you make a good broom.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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